1. Sticky soft cotton candy vanishing on our tongues and ice cream dripping past our fingers
Bicycle wheels spinning and spinning by
Knees scabbed over and asphalt biting into the softness of our palms
Light up sketchers and rolling in grass
Have you ever felt nostalgia for something that was never yours?
A part of me wishes I had that story
Of a small town and people I grew up with
A place I could call my own, steeped with memories and stories
Do you remember that time? And this one? And this?
Memories are like coins we tuck into our well worn pockets, rubbing them smooth between our fingers
I have shed a thousand skins and crossed a thousand miles to reach this point
I tore myself apart and scattered myself all over the world
I am still learning to stitch myself back up at the seams
2.
Recent nights find me sleepless in my bed
Days and days falling away and I'm left stumbling blindly
Miles and miles away from you
Miles and miles away from home
I'm starting to understand why they tell us to never build a home in another person
All I want is to grab the fabric of the world in my fists and yank it closer, draw you nearer
Oceans and continents crumpling away, colliding and folding into each other, vanishing into nothing
There is no word for goodbye in my mother tongue
Only until next time
Until next time, my head will snap up at the roar of every airplane
And I'll ache at the sight of the strangest, smallest things that remind me of you
3.
An elder once told me that our people slipped raw rice to choke
on in the mouth of a newborn if it was a girl
Daughters are a burden, he says
I shudder, deep within my bones and huddle in my skin
To be a woman, I realize, is to be at war
With the world, with ourselves
What a shame that we cannot exist without feeling the need to justify it
I know my mother's story and her mother's story
Pain is passed down like an heirloom
With their gold and silks
And it brands me as well
When I look in the mirror, it is not just my face I see
One day, I will learn to stand straight
And no longer shrink in the corners
My clumsy tongue will cease to fumble
And I will carve out a place for myself
Yes, shamelessly
But oh yes, proudly
By Sudiksha Ravichandran
In collaboration with YWMTU (@yourwordsmattertous)
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